Why Do Humans Have Sexual Relations in Private?

Why did sex become a private matter?

The only other animal that does private sex is the Arabian Babbler, which is a passerine bird until recently placed in the genus Turdoides. It is a communally nesting resident bird of arid scrub in the Middle East which lives together in relatively stable groups with strict orders of rank.

The Arabian babbler is located in eastern, southern, and western Arabia, occurring in the United Arab Emirates, Oman, Yemen, and western Saudi Arabia but absent from the central and northeastern parts of the peninsula. Its range extends north to Jordan, Israel, and eastern Sinai.

Does hot weather lead us to be more easily turned on? Yes, vitamin D apparently increases testosterone levels.

The middle east is still very strict on prohibiting public displays of affection, the same way the whole world is still in agreement about prohibiting (or frowning upon) public sex and touching. However, the temperature does not seem to be a deciding factor in these cultural decisions considering Latin America and East Asia have warmer temperatures but displays of affection and arousal-enabling manners are culturally tolerated.

Average yearly temperatures per country, retrieved from Wikipedia commons, 2022

To prevent others from stealing your partner?

The person thinking about private sex made a theory of his own: Private sex happened because the male wanted to prevent other males from seeing his female partner in a state of arousal which makes them steal the partner. So, men wanted to seclude themselves in order to maintain control over their sexual partners. But hold on.

We also know that an aroused male leads women to have arousal just as much, but the difference is that there seems there is a disconnect between the mind and the biology of women during arousal. Their genitals react the same way as men when exposed to turn-on themes like watching pornography, but their brains don’t necessarily feel turned on.

My theory for this, like my experience in real life, is the shame that comes from a culture that causes the mind to not want to get aroused even if something is arousing, unless there is a justification that is culturally appropriate, like a story or a fan fiction, which women like to masturbate to more than only visual stimuli like men.

I’ve personally had a phase (I still do) where I am ashamed of my sexual desire, and I have gotten into fan fiction, to “spice” it up, make it good, because I know I can masturbate to just visual stimuli, it’s just not enough for me. I am fulfilled in my sex life, I can have sex anytime I want, which is probably what women feel: So I might as well have more than just the body, a romance, a story, more of a connection, a life-changing perspective from another person who happens to fuck me.

So knowing this, women, as much as men, would want privacy to protect their partner from other women.

“But men just want to fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Then they say that men evolved to want to have sex with multiple partners, unlike women who have to bear the child for 9 months so they don’t want to have sex with many men. But who consciously has sex to have children? We humans don’t give ourselves enough credit for how we change our brains from the different rules of the world.

We can have sex, because it is hot, steamy, fun, we touch each other, we hug each other, we hold hands, we feed each other snacks, because it’s fun, it feels good, that’s really it. The same way we eat chocolate donuts or brownies. I will argue: Men don’t care about childbearing and sex itself as much as they care about emotional care.

At least not the monkeys that we are somehow still compared to even though we share 20 of our DNA with flies and no one says men evolved to life to smell (or eat!!) feces.

I think this is another thing perpetuating and self-fulfilling toxic masculinity, which is not necessarily true, certainly not in my relationships: Why do we have polygamy as the standard? I believe that men keep childbearing in mind as much as women.

They must care for the child during the formative years, as they work their jobs to provide money and teach them how to walk or talk when they’re off work, etc.

The theory doesn’t hold up. It is true, though, that now that society is more open to sexual teasing through the clothes we wear, the music videos we put out there, the teasy language women and men use with each other, etc, men might have become more competitive against each other.

But that’s not true. It may be that people simply become hornier, but to compete with each other? People want care, and to be cared for. Is it the same when orphans see a mother-son love?

Can sex become public again in human society?

Sex is pleasurable, and it makes others want it very easily, they get turned on by sex, like getting turned on by a brownie and a juice box by seeing someone eat it when u haven’t yet had breakfast.

In a utopia, public sex is just as common as a brownie, and sex is affordable. Or at least masturbation is accepted. God, what am I talking about?

How about booths that turn down ur libido? Like a serotonin injector, really brings down impulsive urges. I would want that, I love serotonin but only for one day, and SSRIs don’t really work that way. But in this Utopia, they do!

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Nabil Houari

Nabil Houari

In the lines between fiction and reality. I blog about being both sensitive and evil.